“I just want to be heard — she says that’s narcissistic.” Is it?
Last reviewed: 3 June 2026. General information, not medical advice.
No. Wanting to be heard is one of the most normal human needs there is. It’s not grandiosity, and it’s not a lack of empathy — if anything it’s the opposite, you want connection. Needing to be listened to isn’t a disorder.
Why it’s not narcissism
The real disorder is a pattern: a bottomless need for admiration plus a genuine inability to care about anyone else’s inner world, across your whole life (see the full explainer). Wanting your partner to actually take in what you’re saying is not that. It’s a bid for connection, and it’s healthy.
Now the straight bit. There’s a big difference between wanting to be heard and only wanting to be heard. If every conversation is you waiting for your turn to talk, and you can’t actually repeat back what the other person just said, then “I want to be heard” has quietly become “I don’t listen.” That’s not narcissism — it’s a conversation skill you can build. But it does need building, because it’s the thing that leaves the other person feeling invisible.
What to actually do about it
- Listen to repeat, not to reply. Before you respond, say back what they meant in your own words. If you can’t, you weren’t listening.
- Ask for your turn instead of taking it. “Can I tell you how that landed for me?” gets you heard without steamrolling.
- Notice the ratio. If you’re talking 90% of the time and calling it “being heard,” that’s the bit to even out.
Quick questions
Is wanting attention a sign of narcissism?
No. Wanting to be heard and acknowledged is a basic human need. Narcissism is about a constant need for admiration combined with a genuine lack of empathy across all relationships — not simply wanting your partner to listen to you.
What if we both feel unheard?
That’s common and very fixable — it’s usually two people talking past each other, not a disorder in either of you. The skill is taking turns: one person actually listens (no rebuttal loading) while the other speaks, then swap.