“I’m selfish sometimes — does that make me a narcissist?”
Last reviewed: 3 June 2026. General information, not medical advice.
No. Being selfish sometimes is just being a person. One selfish act — or a handful — isn’t the pervasive, everywhere-with-everyone pattern that defines narcissism. The odd “me first” is a beer; the disorder is alcoholism.
Why it’s not narcissism
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a long-standing pattern that turns up across your whole life — work, mates, family, every partner — for years. (Full picture: what a narcissist actually is.) Grabbing the last beer, wanting your weekend your way, or zoning out when you’re fried is not that. It’s ordinary, occasional self-interest. Everyone does it.
Here’s the straight bit: “sometimes” is doing a lot of work in that sentence. If, when you’re honest, it’s less “sometimes” and more “most of the time, and I never really circle back to make it right” — that’s worth a look. Not as a disorder. As a habit that’s wearing people out. Habits you can change. The tell is whether you can ever course-correct, or whether it’s always someone else who needs to adjust.
What to actually do about it
- Count the course-corrections. Can you name recent times you put someone else first? If yes, you’re fine. If you’re struggling to think of one, that’s the signal.
- Own it small and often. “Yeah, that was a bit me-first, my bad” costs nothing and resets trust fast.
- Watch the pattern, not the incident. One selfish Sunday means nothing. The same complaint from different people over years means more.
Quick questions
Does being selfish make you a narcissist?
No. Everyone is selfish sometimes. Narcissism is a pervasive, long-term pattern across your whole life — not the odd selfish act. A one-off, or even an occasional habit you can own and correct, is normal human behaviour, not a personality disorder.
How much selfishness is too much?
It’s less about how much and more about whether you can ever course-correct. If you can notice it, own it, and put others first at times, you’re in normal territory. If it’s every relationship, never acknowledged, and always someone else’s fault, that’s worth a closer look.